small world~

caution:- depressed mode~

i have no idea why i m even writing this @=@
so please feel free to skip
p/s nothing about the org minyak k..haha

i got my wish alright...
though not in the way i hoped it turned out to be~
My friends are actually starting their housemanship in the hospitals i m posted at..
yeay..i should think to myself
but noooooooo...of course it's never that way for me..
in fact it brought back not so fond memories

these friends are classmates when i was in Penang Matricualtion
and my class is not just any class laa since we have streaming system
H4p1 has students mostly of elite or nearly elite schools with good SPM results
and boasts of all the students having 4.0 in the 1st semester
the skema class..that was how i put it to my physical class friends..LOL

while my classmates go to the library to study and of course do some ehem extracuricular activities
i would be in my room happily dozing off or laughing it all out with my crazy roomates *adeh i miss them alredi*

while they sit at front rows in the lecture hall
i would be somewhere behind doodling my paper

while they would without fail do their tutorials each week
i would without fail copy my mrsm classmate aka my bestpal aka my matrix classmate aka lab partner also without fail..hahah *i know we came loooongg way back together..but i thank God i have her with me in my class..huhu*

while they have a million questions in their head to ask lecturers
i would stay quiet in class..rather minding my own business

while they would diligently go to class
i cut as many as i wanted..plus i was invisible remember~

my mentor loves them
me...invisible as usual..haha

so getting the same result as them
and of course getting a chance for the interview
some didn't think it's fair for a slob like me
in fact my mentor was also shocked or rather just noticed me
at one time i felt depressed because of it
cause i have prominent flaws compared to them~~

don't get me wrong
they are really nice people
i just...don't feel belong in that class??
in fact i hardly join any class activities..
i prefer joining my roomates class
i dunno laaa..

and today..
they actually recognize me when they saw me in the wards
i was..err blur?
see they are nice people who remembers their friends
even if that person is a lazy asocial slob who used to not wear glasses

i m happy with my class right now*not all but still mostly la*
cool friends and all
but why do i feel inadequate again after meeting them puzzles me
maybe cause they are already starting their careers
and i can totally see the semangat kira kira ness in them
as for me
i m stuck in this hell hole college with their stupid programs i don't even know how to explain to others about it...*WTH senior clerkship???* wondering if i m even gonna pass my final MBBS with the amout of rust in my brain~~
plus...where the hell is my semangat kira kira ness???

aaa..that is probably the inadequacy............