till we meet again

u & i may say hi

be friendly to each other
smile as if we mean it

but

at the end of the day
it's not how many friends we made that counts

it' s those who stayed during the good & bad times that counts
no matter how few there are
which is the case most of the time~~

i guess i have to be thankful for that few that i have...
thanks for accepting the troublesome awkward not perfect me as i am
oo yes i m really missing you all right now...

till we meet again my darlings~

yeah whatever. .. . . . . . .. . ..

when you are a houseman
its always the h.O's fault no matter what
though it doesn't apply to all
but in my case it does...damn~

situation 1 :-
it's wrong to come to the clinic too early

example :-
HO arrived at clinic at 745am
MO : why are you here so early
HO : i though we have to come down for clinics early??
MO : yeah but you know...anything a houseman do is wrong...
HO thinks yeah whatever la....

situation 2 :
it's wrong to have your breakfast before starting clinics

example :-
MO :- hoi koranggggggggg....makan sebelum tgk patient?????
HO :- errr...xde BHT lagik...so ktrg mkn dulu...
MO : korg mmg laaa...

situation 3 :-
it's our fault as well that some oncall people took E.L although we came to work & on calls

example :-
LR nurse : doctor xde orang oncall nih..org labour room sume post call & nk blk dh
HO : tp MO sy blom rounds ward lg...tp xpe la sy pg kjp

few minutes later....
ward nurse : doctor MO dh dtg dia suro dtg buat rounds
HO : aaaaaa kejapppp....sy x abes clerk case & tgh buat ARM..huhuh..kejap kejap 5 minutes..

after few repeated calls by nurse & ARM & completed clerking later ..........

ran like crazy

MO : mana kamu pegiiii???
HO : err xde org kt labour room...
MO : mn org laen pg...sape lg oncall
HO : sy x tau *malas nk get people into trouble & malas nk layan MO*
MO : korg nihhh maken ramai h.O maken byk buat hal.....
HO : ..................... *when is this all this H.O s fault..plz tell me*

situation 4:-
it's our fault that someone brainless forgot to dispose the blue scrubs properly...

specialist : who was oncall yesterday

oncall HOs raise hand

specialist : ok...where did u put away your blue scrubs
HO : in the bin at labour room

annoying sister : tapi ada baju biru kt wad terbiar je

MO : this girl she on call that ward that night
HO : but i put the scrubs in the bin
specialist : got any witness ?
HO : not sure~~~
*but why would i go all the way to that ward which don't have shower and dump it there...when i could shower in the labour room changing room and throw it right there....duh~*

later that evening ----> oncall people cannot wear blue scrubs anymore

yeah...put the blame on the H.Os again..for all we know other people could wear it as well~~~
and i kinda have a good idea who........

situation 5 :-
it's your fault that you can't trace a old notes

example 1 :-
MO : mn folder yg sy suro awak trace
HO : errr...x dpt jumpa lagi
MO : cepat sket carik tuh cik kak...

apparently the MO thinks the poor HO buat keje x ikhlas..........ok whatever

example 2 :-
patient : nape xde old notes....awak igt sy sape haaaaaaa...cuba tgk nihhh
HO : errr....*looks at the front of folder...mmm isteri Pengarah tut tut tut*......
patient : saya x nk tgk doktor pelatih bagi saya tgk pakar

yeah just because you are some datin wanabe & rich you don't have to be so rude...it's not the HOs job to find it or that it cant be found.........
and if you are soooo rich & so datin wanabe just go to the private hospital laaaa...no need to add more people on clinic daysss!!!!!

and that's only 10% of what's happening.....
i m too frustrated to write all 100 thousand more..haishh

anyway can i just quit
i m going loco~

21 guns

Do you know what's worth fighting for,
When it's not worth dying for?
Does it take your breath away
And you feel yourself suffocating?
Does the pain weigh out the pride?
And you look for a place to hide?
Did someone break your heart inside?
You're in ruins

One, 21 guns
Lay down your arms
Give up the fight
One, 21 guns
Throw up your arms into the sky,
You and I

When you're at the end of the road
And you lost all sense of control
And your thoughts have taken their toll
When your mind breaks the spirit of your soul
Your faith walks on broken glass
And the hangover doesn't pass
Nothing's ever built to last
You're in ruins.

One, 21 guns
Lay down your arms
Give up the fight
One, 21 guns
Throw up your arms into the sky,
You and I

Did you try to live on your own
When you burned down the house and home?
Did you stand too close to the fire?
Like a liar looking for forgiveness from a stone

When it's time to live and let die
And you can't get another try
Something inside this heart has died
You're in ruins.

One, 21 guns
Lay down your arms
Give up the fight
One, 21 guns
Throw up your arms into the sky

One, 21 guns
Lay down your arms
Give up the fight
One, 21 guns
Throw up your arms into the sky,
You and I

not what it seems?

i m officially a push over
and "stepmother" & her croonies knows that *yeay*

but "MAYBE" there is a good side to stepmother.....

one day
when i had to stay back to clear up all the cases pending
she was oncall and saw me struggling to finish the never ending cases...
she was shocked to see me there because she knew i was not oncall
she actually said.......
"i hope you pass your viva...you better do your best ok!"
"and go back la....pass over your cases to the oncall people..bye bye"

that is after months of being bossed around with her loud shrilly voice that i fear for my ears going deaf...lol XD XD

yeah like in the drama Cinderella's stepsister maybe there is another side to my evil stepmother too..hahaha...as if~~~

all that's left for me is the prince charming
where are you.....
how come i didn't meet you yet?

but life's never a fairytale ...no?

wonder woman

paranoid

the 2nd month in O&G already
but there are still lots of things i m not sure of & of course don't know

1 thing i know for sure is.........
it's hard to find someone we can trust here
they are just as talented as a chameleon
i m amazed at how these people can talk sooooo nicely & smile to that one person
and then bitch about them later on
ok
so i think it's fine if they rant their hearts out to another houseman if they feel irritated with that person
but to bitch about them to the M.O just for a small problem
i feel pity for that person...
haishhhh

i don't want to think that some of these people might be doing the same thing to me

but somehow they might just have~~

yep

i m being paranoid

but it's better safe than sorry~~

please come before 5pm

i officially HATE on calls & eods....

and being jonah is not a good thing

i don't think there is any history in ward 4 (gynae ward)
until i was oncall in that ward that night
that there was 2 ruptured ectopics both pon haemodynamically unstable...both pon mula mula kononnyeh miscarriage..until la scan done....haishhh~~~~

not to mention yg time nk resuscitate & sebok sebok prepare OT sorg2 la *coz i was the only houseofficer there* nak ada sudden influx of patients...........pulls hairrr

i was practically on the verge of tears trying to finish clerking everyone...plus have to monitor people coming in for high BP...........
plus the nurses that time not helping langsung
lagi tambah kerja for me ada laaaaaaaa
"doktor branula kena set laen la"
"doktor kena amek FBC post transfusion la"
"doktor patient saket sgt perot laaaaaaaa"
etc etc............
WTHHHHHHHHHHH...........
leave me alone laaaaaaaaaa
i have gazzilionsssss of people to clerkkkk & examine...
and u not even helping sgt monitor BP..haishhhhhhhh
happily sitting around gossiping when i havent even taken my bath nor eaten

and so people please laaaaaaa...

to mothers to be

if u decide to have PV bleed or high BP that day..please la come before 5
there are a lot of houseofficers to layan u that time..........
sekian terima kasih~~

btw today there is a code blue in my hospital
*the day before was Code Red kt labour room-->eclampsia*
and suddenly thought of a certain konon nyeh-out-of-bed-hairdo Doctor Aizawa Kosaku..hahha it's been a looooooong time since i fangirl with my darlingss
i sooo miss everyone ~~~

can't wait for that meet up..hihi
till we meet again
me off to ZzZzZZzzz land another on call tomorrow...i hate eods!!

p/s :- plz pray that i wont b jonah again...

Black sheeps are not allowed here!!!

losing ones trust
is one of the worse things that could happen to you..........

i freaking hate you BLACK SHEEP!!!

because of you............

i m losing the trust people put in me

and made them disappointed of me

and i freaking hate you nurses too
who just couldn't record the names of people doing a procedure properly
don't get me wrong
i don't hate all of them
some nurses are simply NICE!!
it's just a few freaking stupid ones...arghhghghg~~~

it's a matter of time my new years resolution is gonna break~~~

i m lucky though
my senior h/o s are simply caring...
although they won't be reading this
and i hope no one from HSJ ever would....

sorry for making you guys worried
i ll definitely try my best!!

p/s :- i miss you darlings..lets do our best!!

the tagger

2 weeks tagging nearly done

but i m

still not confident with my VE

neither am i with ARM but somehow getting better i think..thank God~~

almost done with my 10 deliveries *1more to go*
i smell bloody almost everyday..damn

but still suck at sewing epi & tear..huhuhu

clerk & review cases faster

tp tulisan cakar ayam nak mampos sampai kena tegur specialist. =.=;

trying to be independent now that super nice houseman C changed department..huhuh

trying to get along with everyone

but some are plain B***** & D*****

have to be on specialist & MO good side

getting used to 36hours EOD

no day offs

and mandi air sejuk

trying to find time to eat , sleep & study

damn viva is in 4 days

i don't want to extand..huhuh

oo yeah did i mention at HSJ they extand people as simple as drinking tea especially in ONG, Paeds & Surgery..hurray~~

wish me luck ppl!!!
lets get through this.....

p/s :-miss everyone lots !!!!!!

36

i am 7 hours postcall for my 1st EOD which lasts for 36 hours

and

6 hours to another yet 36 hour EOD

yippie yupiie doodle dee~~

can't wait... *nada sarcastic*

that's ONG posting 2 tagging nightmare in HSJ for you
also not forgetting the scary looking specialist & scary end posting,mid posting & wateva other assessment

this days the "MY FEET ARE KILLING ME" syndrome is such a norm


without a doubt
i am in this syndrome too....><

but
this year
i m trying to stop/lessen my complainings

so i m gonna talk about the good things

like this....

the h/o s in ONG are nice
esp C , K , N , M
they thought me lots of stuff i feel very la the segan everytime i can't do it
it's really disappointing when someone tries really hard to help you
but u still cant do it

i guess that's what they get
after months of trying to urge mothers to do their best to deliver their babies
many times mothers are on the verge of giving up
and giving birth is no simple matter

so i guess it's the same in my position
they are not giving up until i learn
God i m so thankful to meet such ppl...

i have yet to meet other ppl in the department
hopefully everyone is just as nice

the MOs are scary though
asyik kena marah je..damn

okie before this entry turns into a rant
i ll just end it here
and hibernate.......................

until 5am tomorrow

hahah

oyasumik~

doki doki tomaranai..nya~~~

just got my induction letter 5 minutes ago...

and ooo-em-geeeeeeee i m sooo freaking out..huwaaaaaa

i m freaking scared about entering the ooo-so-BIG adult world
and the thought of being scolded by MO/specialist/consultants scares me like hell..huhu
*please please God let them be kind & patient to blurry me..aishh*

but the thought of earning my own money...*muka tamak* hopefully is a good enough motivation
though i do want to be a good & safe doctor..that is as long as i plan to practice..
haiyaaaa...i m having tachycardia already

k la malas nk pk dh...lg pk lg tachycardia
going to maen game or watch gundam or any other anime *while i still can*
eh jap kn carik baju kurung puteh kaen hitam plk..damn~
*btw maggggggggg if u are reading this my sister ckp miracle train crtr merepek..sob sob..*

so dear darlingssss & friends see u at induction..huhu
plz recognize me despite the amout of weight gain >< ;

till we meet again~~~

p/s :- for the LAST time...i m NOT a nurse!!!!! grrrrrr....

-end-

love letters to u

a love letter specially for my darlings cause i miss you all~~~

*yucks tiba-tiba jiwang plk*

packing

never thought packing would be so hard
i stayed up the whole night
folding clothes that was never ending
i wonder how it mountain up to this much..huhu
even with the huge bag
all my clothes cannot be fit in
packing my books
was no easier
no matter how i put it into boxes
there are still more on my table,shelf,drawers
i m more than positive now those books multiply itself *gyahhh*
and the books weigh tonnes too T.T
there goes all the money for postals..huhu
all other stuff
can i just leave it here
i m going crazy already
mama please come quick

on side note :
packing makes me sad especially when i have to go back early...i can't spend more time with my friends..i m so gonna miss them~
gonna miss my room lots too..goodbye ac room & hot water

our happy ending^^

ALHAMDULILLAH

WE ARE NOW DOCTORS!!!

CONGRATULATIONS BATCH 15

WE DID IT^^

to my beloved V.IP.s
thanx for everything
thanx for always being there for me through all the laughter & cries
life would be soooo unbearable without you gals*hugs*
definitely gonna miss u all*sob sob*

to my friends
you guys are definitely the best bunch of friends i've met so far
thanking the Allmighty for that

to my partner & jiran of 5 years
although both of you are always missing
you guys totally make up for it
by making me laugh
and being there at least when i really need your help

to my groupmates
though there were many dramas
we did have some fun rite..
haha

to my batchmates
i m really proud of being part of this strong batch
congratulations again doctors of batch 15
we did it^^

gonna pack up all my things now
my parents are coming tomorrow
sure gonna miss all my friends
love u all lots
thanx so much for everything
sorry for anything i did wrong
friends forever~~

sorry

exam result is not out yet
probably tomorrow..
the anxiety is killing me
but there is also something else that is bugging me this days
saying goodbyes~
i was never good at saying good byes
because i hate crying
most of the time
i live things hanging just like that........
if there is a chance
we will meet again
that's what i want to believe...
so when i couldn't make it to gatherings
it's not that i don't want to
there is a lot things that i/we are going through/on my mind
but i m willing to bet that there would be more than enough people to fill in my small empty spot~
the gathering would still be a happy one
so friend if today is the last time i see you
i m really sorry for making you mad...
but please know that you do have a special place in my heart
it's going to be very hard to forget you..especially you being someone eccentric in my life..lol
so please forgive me
and thanx for everything
till we meet again?

yeah i am scared

my future is gonna be decided on friday

i m freaking scared

i just hope Allah lets me pass..

a happy ending..i hope

FINALLY FREAKING DONE WITH FINALS MBBS!!!!

and i sure hope

that this will be the last

cause i m freaking tired of this crap...

plz plz GOD lemme & my freinds pass!! amin~

sure working as a houseofficer isn't all beds of roses cause it does have thorns too

but at least.............

i will get paid

XD XD

haiyaaa...klua suda sifat mata duetan materialistika..LOL

whatever la as long as i get out of this freaking college..

though i will definitely miss my IMPORTANTS!!!

speaking of which....

it's CHIBI-chan's b-day today

HAPPY 24TH BIRTHDAY DEAR!!
wishing u all the best things in life again this year *hugs*

tipah tertipu..lol

a stupid story my sister told me in an attempt to make me laugh...

A : i have a friend yg agak lembut
Me : okie..soo
A : ada a fren of dia tgk facebook pics dia..pastuh npk ada gmbr sorg girl cun
Me : don't tell me it's him
A : his fren tny la sape nih..ur awek ke? kiut la
Me : pastuh?
A : the lembut guy blush..
Me : ..........*was thinking confirm that lembut guy*
A : he said it's him..he used photoshop to make his hair long & make up
Me : ooooookie~~~~

i didn't laugh
but
thnx for trying
XD XD

moral of the story :-
don't judge a book by it's cover??
LOL

quoting a classmates fb status:
"... intrigued by ppl's photogenicity....good looking photos are extremely deceiving...sum gurls look great in photos but in reality, i'd rather stare at the sun... The magic of the camera and hours of posing.... "

happy belated birthday mama

been stressing a lot yesterday
too many breakdowns to count
that i totally forgot my mama's bday
until this morning...

HAPPY belated BIRTHDAY MAMA!!
MAY ALLAH BLESS U WITH ALL THE HAPPINESS IN LIFE & GOOD HEALTH!!
you deserve all the best things in life
for bringing me,kak,abang,alia & ayu into this world
for guiding us to be the people that we are now
for encouraging us
for always being there for us
for all those prayers u made for us
for your most wonderful oiishi food
and all other things that u do that makes us the best of what we are
love u lotssss mama!!

earthquake+heartquake

long case done..
3 shortcases next

dunno what to say
but..
it was as bad as the earthquake i felt today

i was literally swaying on the bed...
thought at first that i was either going crazy or there was a ghost in mag's room..haha
until i asked hana
"hana nape aku rasa bed nih gerak"
we screamed..LOL

what a way to experience exam day~

nway thnx hana & mag for trying to cheer me up
all the best to all^^

hope we will all make it through~