night 1

was on my 2nd last night shift

and it was an OT call

there were too many caesarean sections

that we had to open a second OT for a laparotomy

problem is

there was only 1 OT MO

1 OT HO

and only 1 team of scrub & Ga nurse

specialist G was oncall that day

he wanted me to start induce the patient in second OT

as usual laaaa
me & my boss-phobia

felt nervous because i have to be with my specialist
what if i did something wrong
or cannot intubate a Mallampati score I patient
and me being clumsy doesn't help much laaa..haishhh

Thank God everything went on smoothly

out of the blue

specialist G said
"F , now i know what you should be...Anaesthetist..."
somehow i think he remembered our conversation that i dont really know what to do as an MO

i gave him a blank look through my mask and said
"boss...A&E people also can intubate laa...haha"

after that inserted arterial line & triple lumen for the patient

he even had time to joke around with the surgical team,saying that his houseman is not letting him do anything~~

i was only thinking
hello boss..i m a HO...i m supposed to do this things..haishhh
nevermind
thank God it went well~~~

change

i got to know my placement for MO-ship yesterday

God answered my prayers when i wish to get out of the hospital i m currently in

and so

HKB it is....

i m gonna die there~~

this transfer makes me think

i m gonna miss all my favourite specialist especially specialist W
there would be no more of their sudden appearance to make me feel better when everything is a mess...
there would be no more brotherly MOs who dote on me & buy me yummy & free lunch
there would be no more playing the department pet

it's gonna be all up to me

i m freaking scared

hopefully everything goes well for me...

you and i

gonna try to lose weight this year ^^

HAPPY NEW YEAR TO ALL!!

though a day late at wishing >.<
was too busy lazing around on a limited edition weekend off ^^;

new year 2012
but same old me
still a houseman trying my best to survive
but some of my friends are finally full fledged medical officer kicking off the new year with a whole new responsibilities & expectations
to them ALL THE BEST !!
hugs hugs XOXO

yeah so same old me
but with a new set of resolution
gonna have a few so that i wont be disappointed that my new year's resolution is not achieved
hopefully i get to achieve at least one this year...gambarimasuuu~~~

giving up on me

half way through my current department...
after that i ll be free
i want to go on a lonnnnggg break
vacation or backpacking somewhere
just thinking about it makes me grin like a cheshire cat
after all the hardwork
never getting the cuti i wanted
missing on reunions & weddings
i m finally gonna have my own post ho vacation ^^

on another fact that makes me grin
i think specialist J gave up on me d..haha
i guess i m just too dumb & not interested in the subject to salvage
how do i know??
the most obvious part is specialist J reduced ehh wait...stop bombarding me pop quiz questions d..i m sooooo relieved..hohohho
also specialist J always has a grin on the face which to me looks freaking fake
but now around me specialist J looks what i think is a reflection of me
like this --> (~____________~) aka blank face
lol
but not all the time
i guess it's habitual for specialist J to break into the fake grin
because today when specialist J saw that a young patient-post MVA with DAI-on trachy is from around the same area as we are
specialist J grin & look at me who was writing in the BHT and said "hahaha...he's from our territory...should we transfer him to our territory"
MOs were confused la of course
inside joke
ok whatever
it just freaks me out specialist J actually remembers where i live....damn

so just have to tahan till february
hopefully everything goes well
huhu~~

wish me luck peeps..
God plz help me

food chain

congrats to all my friends...

finally M.O after 2 years

after this will be
S/B all you peeps
case & progress noted
signed by houseman

a step up in the hospital hierarchy

but please don't forget you were once a houseman k..
and don't be mean to ppl like me..

haishh
working like a dog
dunno if i' ll ever be able to step up
with the SBPA
dunno if i ll be kick out of government service without full registration
than what will i do..
any suggestions..
heard growing mushrooms is good business this days..haha

oo well all i can do is pray~~

i miss my peeps
p/s :- plz don't merajuk with me too long~~

sweet escape

the specialist oncall today (he's the one who is quite fatherly, on & off forgetting my simple name & looks super stress during oncalls...LOL) asked if i was going to our department annual night

the blur me obviously did not even know it exist..
so when he ask me to go
i automatically said yes...
the problem is being where i am now..at lowest of the food chain saying yes to my superiors comes just like a reflex...but just work related laa k ppl~~

5 minutes later i was already regretting

enough with having to fake smile my way everyday at work

trying to force my self socializing with them while trying to eat something supposedly delicious

i have already loss my appetite thinking about it..huhu

thank God this specialist if quite fatherly
if it was the other specialist i m sure i can't wiggle my way out..huhu
bravely i said i can't got
he wanted a valid reason
i didn't get to answer when he asked "u going out with ur boyfren ke??"
and on reflex again i said yes..haha

whatever...as long as i got to escape that night....

i m amazed at how i m gaining weight despite losing appetite at the thought of them
my metabolism must be running slower...
damn i hate getting old...
need to start swimming
one day~~~

disgusting feeling

i have mentioned before

and i will mention again...

how is it possible that free balanja-ed delicious food can taste disgusting to my tastebuds??

well my friends

apparently it's possible

simple common sense & logic

when you dislike someone or something

anything that someone touch or gives becomes horrible

i m serioussss....

example :-

i puke out the food the superior i dislike belanja-ed which i had to force myself to down after course into the toilet bowl of my home...
and oddly...the after feeling was surprisingly surreal~~~

ooo i just saw my schedule
i think i might get cyclical vomiting on Monday & Tuesday
yeay~~~

p/s :- life is short...do try to make the best of it..RIP SK...

self note :- life is short...don't let others ruin it for you!!! hwaiting to self!!

not appreciated

helloo to the royal greatness

we are housemans

in a learning process

and working our hardest to do the best for patient

but

if we are not good enough for the great MO

we will be more than happy to let them oncall alone

thank you...

post night shift day 1

pre night shift day 2

i should rest & sleep~~~

what?

hello people..

don't you think it's just plain annoying to be asked stupid questions

for example asking a houseman in the particular ward at around ~9pm if they are night shift duty
duh would anyone be stupid enough to be at their working place when they don't have to

common sense laaa...

or asking the next morning if they were postnight & in the end not letting go back early pon...baek x payah tanyaaaa >.<

or what time the houseman went back that postnight shift....like it would really matter

and of course other zillion stupid questions i m to annoyed to answer but had to just because they are my superiors *thank God there are such things as 3 ply face mask to cover the annoyed face*


ok even the question i m asking at the beginning of the post is stupid...

i must be badly affected..

blerghh

midas touch

i m depressed...

i guess anyone reading my entries could sense that

but last night

i was blessed with the appearance of my favourite specialist whom i had not seen so long
apparently he knew i was in the current department
yeah he saw me a few times in O.T & doing pre op
but we never chat much..........
apparently i was too busy..huhu

until last night........
it was nice
i don't know how he does it
but it made me smile while going to sleep last night
not that i was able to
got disturb for low BP impending collapse while happily grinning in bed..hihi
only had 1 hour sleep until am r/v

but thanx to favourite specialist
i was energetically resuscitating patient
my MO even ask , "ehh u x penat ke ??"
me , " mmm just holding on..hehe"

i miss favourite specialist.............
i wish i get to feel the magic every now and than
especially when i m upset~~~

LOL

bubblepop

how can free food ever be not good

especially when it's the boss who belanja

free food are always good

but of course for some weird reason

the bratty subordinate decide not to touch them

until was reminded a few times

in the end had to eat dengan hati not ikhlas......

ungrateful subordinate even unintentionally ignored boss

well not really

subordinate just doing job...nanti orang ckp MIA plk

hohoh

but not like boss gonna realize pon kan...

subordinate is just another person...a useless one plk tu

of course guilty conscience comes knocking at the end of the day

damage is done

all that can be done is damage control

ok

grow up brat..

thank you

bye

disposable

once upon a time during teaching session....

specialist on-call points to me

"come nearer...i m not going to eat you..."

yeah right

that's what you say

appearance can be deceiving....

anything which looks benign on the outside could be malignant on the inside
and vice versa.....

i m just saying

but that doesn't mean i m going to trust them
because they don't deserve it
much less need it

after all
most of us are nothing to them
just some useless additions to their team
why request for more than?
just let me go

please forgive me
this is the miserable person talking~

poker face

ok i was wrong

there is no such thing as perfection in a person

and God is fair to everyone

each and everyone of us have our fatal flaw....

i can't believe i fell for the oldest trick in the book of flaw

hypocrite......2 face

something i hate the most

ooo how well some potray the nice, smart & helpful person

when in all truth they might backstab you or worse.........

no wonder that particular boss
with all the smiley , helpful & gentleman attitude
would always some how attack me with questions..huhu
when the fact is that boss never wanted too many ho in the dept *not that i requested to be pon here..cries*
i don't know if that particular boss intention is to teach me * because he is trying to teach me*
or just make me more depress being in the department
but i don't trust him....
he already made my friend sad
and i have a feeling i will be next..damn

ooo well
i can't always have my way
been the department pet for too long
will have to learn to protect myself soon

useless

as a houseman
i know i might be lacking on the knowledge part
because i m lazy i know...

but i try to compensate it all by trying to get experience
helping others.......

yeah maybe there are times my work is a bit messy & slip shot
but never have i been said i have poor working ethics
being told that
makes me feel i m useless

i m a lil bit blur and slow compared to others
but i m trying my best to cope T.T

the current department i m in is a new thing for me

though i didn't want it in the first place as i knew i have no confidence
i try to believe it's God will for me......

but how come upto this day i m still having second thoughts
A&E sounds a lot better
though its all hard work
i feel i ll be more useful
and maybe
happier~~~

but the grass always looks greener on the other side of the fence..haishh

some people have all the luck

God is too generous to some people........

because if not

there wouldn't be some people who are not only gifted in brains
but also blessed with good looks
and goddamn HUGE hearts..........

but i guess that's why God made them a rare species

and married

or taken...

lucky them

damn..........

at least i was lucky enough to be allowed to go back home early just because he thinks it's dangerous for cute girls to travel back home alone at night..hihih

of course the o.t being shut down for maintanance is another factor..LOL

but have to study harder laaa..
he makes me feel stupid everyday..haishh

mask

alone

in Palliative care Unit

life sucks

i m a fake

so that things go my way

i hate it

being fake

but it makes life easier

and i hate it

especially unknown callers/texters

never introduce self

act as if they know me

WTH

go away la~~

sleep

is still the best

might as well quit housemanship and become a housewife

hello you
you won't be reading this but damn i can't keep this to myself

since working with you
my life is shit
somehow MO's think we are BFF
you think we are BFF
i was trying to be nice
but after a while
it gets tiring
to always clean up your sampahs
to get screwed because you just refuse to present your own cases & when it's full of sampah plans which some you didn't even carry out

as a 6th poster aren't you supposed to be the one with more experience than me
and yet
i have to do most of your procedures even something as stupid as blood taking
all cause you are in your own world trying to sort out stupid things or you are just making up stupid reasons just so i would do it for you
yeah so you have a kid who is not staying with you
and you miss your kid so much
but please don't be distracted and endanger people's lives or bring unnecessary trouble for others

and she is so damn cekap to push work to other people and make them in trouble..B****

arghhhh...i just can't stand her
wondering how she will ever be an M.O
deluded big boss wants her to be anaest M.O while her beloved husband will become surgical M.O..
woww...wouldn't be surprised if mortality hikes up..huhu

lost soul

5 postings ago.........

i was a super extra blurry, bully-able, dumb houseman
nothing really prepared me for housemanship

my fault really
i was almost always in my own world of fangirlism of Kpop/Kdrama/Jpop/Jdrama/and anything that is happy,rainbow,cakes,ice cream & candies
i was too-lazy-to-the ass medical school student passing exams miraculously by last minute studies, dumb luck & all thanks to the Almighty power above
no working experience what-so-ever before
a potato-couch by nature

nothing prepared me to run around the hospital
always on my feet
always on the run
always trying my best to absorb all the knowledge i should have as a medical student but was too lazy to do it then
always trying to get on the good side of others..
always kena marah by MO
always the one in trouble

haishh
come to think of it
it was a very tiring 1 st posting
and a terrible one too

but somehow after that
everything seem to speed up
and here i am
finishing my housemanship
with no idea what-so-ever what i want to do

the only things i had in mind are
i never want to do oncalls
nor do i want to work weekends
which leaves me with only K.K as an option..hahah
but don't like to see too many patients at clinic either..
i m lost
but it's not like we will really get what we applied right
hands up
i m lost
i duno what to do
can i just leave all to God's will..haha
p/s:- damn no more playing department pet after this..O-o

yum yum

mee goreng sotong + fresh air kelapa + air kelapa float


finger licking good...
damn i need 2nd rounds

and double damn i m getting fatter..haha