time bomb...tick tock

i freaking hate you

you balding MO...........

damn i hate this posting

every single part of it

ladies fingers

been fascinated in this lately

too bad i can't do it
sebab :-
1. nnt susa nk solat
2. x seswai for brannula setting, CVP, ABG, I&D , abdominal & rectal examination...everything under the sun and of course OT
3. BIG BOSS will automatically give me the plus 3...damn

oo well
i ll just admire them

btw i m NOT that rajin anyway

change

Change...
we don’t like it,
we fear it,
but we can't stop it from coming.
We either adapt to change or we get left behind.
And it hurts to grow, anybody who tells you it doesn’t is lying.
But here's the truth...the more things change, the more they stay the same.
And sometimes, oh, sometimes change is good.
Oh, sometimes, change is...everything.

Dr Meredith Grey

blerghh~~~

i hate on calls

can i not do them

tQ~

*tries to kick myself and falls pathetically on the floor face down*

purple

i almost cried today because this particular specialist kept asking me questions
and that i felt soooo bad that i couldn't answer
i noticed that he would always attack that particular person once he knows is vulnerable...huhuh
damn it's all my fault anyway for being lazy.............

than the usually nice radiologist refused to give me a CT urgent for a patient which the uro PGH MO ask me to get just because i don't know the indication and that when i called the stupid uro MO again...i could tell he obviously didn't know why also and he gave me a stupid reason because they need imaging....i could bloody well say even xray is imaging....huhu

but in the end
it was kinda a good day
esp when fav specialist is around to make it better ^^
Gods knows how laaa fav specialist would always somehow pop into my view when i m sad
somehow i m always wearing purple and almost cryingwhen i meet fav specialist
hahah.......

but tomorrow is grand ward rounds again...damn it~

e m o

the thing that is worse than people thinking you are a nurse instead of a doctor

is of course the ward nurse thinking they are high and mighty.....better than mbbs or m.d holder

yes they are more experienced
but that is because they have been there for gazzilion years
i would have been super genius if i had stayed like that

that includes certain sisters & matrons
some are just freaking annoying
i guess they are just too free to find other peoples mistakes

but please take note NOT all nurses are like that
some are really nice
and i really do like them

it's just those few who think just because they are on the HOD / specialist good side by becoming their spies & no 1 complainer about houseman......
that they are way above everyone else

for now i can't do anything
the Boss of the posting i m currently in somehow trust the nurses better than H.o
not like my previous boss who would definitely back up their H.o

and of course they trust me more..hihi
damn i miss all my previous postings specialist.......p/s :- i think there s something wrong with my head.......

hidup yang bagaikan nyawa nyawa ikan

stress level on D1 of surgical posting 100%

currently --> 200% and counting.............

i would be lucky if i don't burst any of my cerebral blood vessels within the 4 months

until then~~~

thank God ! !

surprisingly

i survived the 2nd grand ward rounds

woot woot

throws confetti~~~
but things will change next month when i change to the dragons ward kot...haishh

* dies *

spoilt

shamelessly

i have to admit

i m...

the centre of attraction of my familythe pet of my friends & colleagues

the little sis to the MOs & specialists (in other postings)

resulting me being a little pampered brat~~~

too bad here in surgical i don't really have that privilege yet

living in fear every second of time
for making any mistakes or something being missed out
for being blank & mute when the specialist questions you and you get too nervous to answer
and of course the ultimate extension of 3 months

f ***
i m starting to swear again
something i ll do when i m too stress

s***
i can't think anymore

damn~

somethings are just not meant to be

from my elder sis blog-->

"A cat fell in love with a fish in a glass, it broke the glass and the fish died after leaving the water."
"The cat realized that it is not necessary to be with the person he loves."

love is simple...i wish~~

Forgot how it started

Maybe it was just a feeling I had towards you
Suddenly realized that I had already deeply fallen in love with you
It was that simple

I don't care if I love until the earth and the skies darken
Can't choose between right and wrong
No regret, following love night and day
That crazy person is me

I love you, can't stop loving you baby, say you love me too
I love you, I'll never be willing, baby, to lose you

I can't be any happier
As long we can be together, I'll do anything
Although the world keeps changing
Use the sincerest love to let love become simple

I love you, I'm always here baby, always loving you
I love you (yes I do) I will never give up my right to love you
If you're still a bit confused, oh no, please listen to my heart
Listen to me say I love you (yes I do) I love you

i miss you tooo~~~

they always say
the grass is always greener on the other side

i didn't want to be extended in ortho
and so here i am in surgical hell

i m freaking scared i can't articulate a simple sentence

it's all in my head i keep telling myself

have to get over this stat!!

before grandward rounds........................this thursday

in hell

on my 1st day Mr I said to me " did anyone tell you here the posting is 4+3"

Mr Y would not listen to my presentation........he doesn't trust me...........he thinks i m stupid ... huhuhu

Mr F made everyone feel stupid

Mr N's wrath is yet to be seen...damn

i miss my previous specialist

Mr W in particular ^^

btw he called me today
although i m no longer an ortho h.o
because there was no one to help him with his special patients
he had to ask where i saved the documents and stuff
i was surprised...............
and it made me feel special
too bad i was stuck in hell to help him

btw i was shocked that many of the female houseman thinks he looks good too...LOL
he may have the mask like face
but when he smilessssss..........it could make your heart do acrobatic flips
or maybe it's just me

but yes i miss him too =P

too bad he is married..
and most prolly with kids.........

but he made my day by calling
even if it's just to ask for a favor
you made me smile ^^

for that thanks ^^

goodbye

from m****

we acknowledge your request to move. Thank you for being with M**** and we hope to serve you again in the future.

rasa sedey la plk bl baca nih as i really like the service...ok whats done is done...hope for the best~~~

missing me???

i had last weekend off from work

never thought i would regret not coming to work

why???

because i miss the chance to eat breakfast with my periphery gang & favourite specialist

he even taught one of my friend how to use chopsticks...damnnnn...

but at least he remembered me & noticed i was not around

he actually ask my gang where was i >.<

i had a huge grin after hearing that...LOL

too bad he was not around today because of MOA this week

i think i m gonna miss ortho....hihi

it's complicated

getting interested with married guys is not good

oh no........

this is bad

i m going to die a spinster............

letting go

i already have a family who loves me for who i am

for that i am very very thankful..........

i also have nice colleagues whom i can lean on at times of needs.......

and MOs who are brotherly to me........

but still how come i miss my dear friends from college so much......
i don't see them anymore
rarely call & message
sometimes even forgetting each others birthday......

all i see are pics from fb
them enjoying life...........

and me being miserable here...huhuh

should let go now
after all my brother told me once that at my age, i ll start seeing one by one of my friends starting a new life.....

time to be grateful for what i have now

but i ll always treasure those memories

the alkisah of budak kurang kaseh sayang stops here......
bye~~~

pet

the monotonous and expressionless specialist knows my name

wow

that was a revelation

never thought he would care for a houseman's name
because i have never heard him call houseman by their names

though some of my friends like to joke i m his isteri tiri
just because he would always call me to do wound dressing with him, do ward rounds with him,help him STO & do dressing for his special patients,become his secretary
and the fact my colleagues saw him smile & laugh the most
breaking his emotionless face when i presented for CME
which i kinda almost often see
i guess because i m plain clumsy & he was just plain nice...actually

i learned to accept that it's houseman job to do this donkey jobs sometimes
no matter who you are
so never thought he would actually know my name

but i kinda like it
cause he is nice

but i don;t like high expectations...................

monster inside

hello i am the current ortho houseman chief

wishing to AOR discharge myself from my duties every single day

it s bad enough the stress with normal work

and i have to add all the stress of fellow housemans complaining & being not happy about their call list and stuff

the stress of MO complaining about the houseman oncall combination....
like laaa i m doing it based on their list
it s totally ramdom k!

the stress of having to chase houseman down to clinic every freaking day...
just because i can't stand MOs nagging me about houseman whereabouts & the huge mountain of folders...
well the clinic has most definitely become clinic houseman instead..huhu

OMG the list goes on
all the merepek-ness of the world

those i don't even give a damn before

but right now i have to serabut my kepala

yes

how i wish i can AOR discharge myself

-the end-

we are satu malaysia

first impression

average size
malay girl
wearing tudung
yeah so i have a lil bit of sepet eyes
and a lil fairer skin than normal malays (my brother thinks he has a vampire for a sister..bluek)

does not make me a chinese who convert to muslim
or a mix of cilayu or melana or melayu cina
aiyooo i could be pure malay laaa
don't act so surprise
we are after all 1 malaysia maaaaaa....

but i guess it does gives me the advantage of being flexible in any racial group
i m of course ok with the malays because i am one
i m ok with the chinese because i m a pseudo with an amoi for a bestfriend
i m ok with the indians because i m from a twinning programme college which is India based
which makes me as my specialist say the one malaysia girl...LOL

which also makes me the odd one out at lunch outings
either the only malay girl with 4 chinamans
or the only malay girl in a group of pretty indian girls

so..
one malaysians
lets speak something that all of us can understand k

peace to all~~

The Lazy Song

yeah i love weekend coz i don't feel like doing anything...lallalalal