otoke?

omg omg
i m going to be the new chief for my current posting
how laaaaaaaa????
even my M.O said
F u have to be firm ok don't kena buli...
LOL
never thought it was that obvious..haha

thinking of it gives me chills and rigors
omg omg
how laaaaaa???
*panic attacks *

ok that is one of the reason why i m scared to be chief

1. i freaking have panic attacks !!!

others are...

2. i m buli-able...nuff said

3. i m lazy

4. i like being undercover ---> than happily get out of the posting

5. i hate having to deal with other people's prob & cleaning up their mess..haishh

6. i hate being the centre of attraction

7. i hate thinking

8. i can't scold

9. i don't have the confidence

10. i think ppl think i m too easy...
they drink from my cup,
scoop out soup from my soup bowl,
eat cake from the same plate
talk to me nonsense stuff
and etc. which i rather not say
all without my permission
yeah i know they think i m cool *hohoh*
but i m still a girl ok...haishhhh

ok 10 reasons...
i m freaking out
should i just reject this job..LOL

on random view...
being gossip about is not fun...esp if it's with someone you don't really have any feeling for
too bad this posting has too many gossip girls and boys..
too bad i m one of them..eh wait no
i m the matchmaker..hehe

another success in the making..maybe?
hihihi

i could get rich doing this...
ooo but please....matchmaking the matchmaker...i don't think so~~

nuff said

a lot of love is in the air
a few couples in the making..thnx to urs truly
some are getting married...
too bad i can't go...

anyway
i don't think that particular friend who is getting married this weekend is gonna read this
but if she does...
CONGRATULATIONS!!!
MAY U BE BLESS WITH HAPPINESS OK~
alrite
that's all
need to go back to pulling hair on the current situation
till than...

i dont care~

lately i have developed a new talent

tuning out M.O s nagging...

masuk telinga kanan klua telinga kiri

very very useful.....

took me long enough to develop it..hehe

now i only take 1% of the nagging

and that 1% i hope will help me improve myself...

who cares about the other things

as long as i do my work
patients get well
i get paid
i go home,eat,sleep,watch TV & play with my laptop
i m happy enough..i guess~

hopefully this will continue until surgical
i really need this immunity..huhu

p/s lots of ppl getting married this days...dunno which one to go to...aaa when is mine anyway..haha

chajatda

i finally found it

Alice in Wonderland

and

Alice through a Looking Glass Illustration book ^^

best of all
both at a price of 35% discount at kinokuniya

though it may not be as nicely illustrated as my childhood London based Alice in the Wonderland book that God knows where it went to..
prolly to the old news paper uncle because it was worn out by the time it went to my youngest sister >.<

so anyway
besides the fact it was modernly illustrated
it's still an Alice illustration book..huhu
and i love it

was reading it instead of my ortho books...haishh
but it really frees your mind
and was a nice change

i miss those days when i can just sit and relax reading lots of storybooks
this days all i want to do is sleep when i have time...

maybe i should just chase after a white rabbit
who knows i might fall into a rabbits hole into a wonderland~~

white day

white is cool..heheh
i loikeee~

but obviously not all are suitable

some would look lyk pakcik tua..ohoho

nway they look kewl ^^

dream high a chance to fly high...yeah

my mood elevator ^^
dedicated to those going through hard times (like i do)
fight-o !!!



btw i m jealous of those fan who are got to see this flash mob
i wanna go korea too >.<


but for now i ll just dream high of korea 1st...
yeah~~

little girl i am NOT

just because i m a girl & somewhat look young hohoh perasan sendiri...but thats waht my MO say too

DOES NOT MEAN I M A NURSE!!!!

ok?

understood???

of course not...some ignorant people out there just refuse to get it or acknowledge it..damn it..

stupid people...

i don't really have anything against the nurses
some are nice & i like them

but i didn't waste 5 freaking years studying mbbs to get called a nurse

and some stupid people just can't believe i m a full fledge doctor just because of the way i look...*geram*
yeah they are hooligans who get into a drunken bar fight causing me to wake up in the middle of the freaking night / early morning to clerk , T&S freaking big laceration wounds all over & prepare patient for op
after all that had the guts to say
u betul doktor keee??? bukan pelatih???
u nampak muda dari i....betol kee??
even after reading my name tag
stupid a**

luckily my MO pulled me aside to ignore them
before i did anything stupid
please laaa don't la piss anyone who don't have enough sleep~~

all in all it ended well
morning pass over was OK
i have a feeling my H.O.D is being soft on me
i didn't get scolding & any high tech questions like my other colleagues who pass over cases
he just joked with me and all is done and well
and my MO thank me for being his sidekick
errr...i was just doing my job as a houseman...no need to exegerate..*blush blush*

ok well at least some people appreciate my work
but really aaaa???
do i look young
not that i want to look older
guess shouldn't be complaining
but damn frustrating laaaa..haishhh

na neun hoot hoot hoot~~

i never like clinics
to be honest.....
sometimes i go MIA *i hope my M.O doesn't read this*
but i have an innocent face that i was never suspected..LOL

however in this new particular posting
everyday is clinics
and everyday we have to see patient until rasa nk muntah cause there are too freaking many patients
unless you are oncall & have to stay alone up in the wards clerking case,book case & do tonnes of procedures
either way i dunno which is worse..huhu
suprisingly since starting the new posting i havent MIA from clinic..LOL
dunno why~

but it's nice to hear thanks from patient who came for their TCA just because they were told their bones are getting better

and even nicer when cute makciks says to you " tak jemu la tengok muka doktor, bila tengok rasa nak tengok lagi "
thanks a lot makcik...that really made my day..*blush blush* hehe

though wouldn't it be even better if the person i like said that

hello the person i like...where are you??

hurry and save me from the annoying people will u..hahah

till i write again
jya~

X files

hey

long time no blog

this question has always been on my mind

since forever........

forever friends

true love

does it really exist?

or is it just another chapter in a fairytale?

another X-file that remains unsolved for me

and DBSK is no longer the same to me..
besides the obvious fact there are only 2 ppl in that grp

both JYJ & DBSK look sad to me.....

where is the love people...

maybe eventually i ll get use to it
like when Uchi got suspended from NewS
like when jaebom left 2pm..

right...

but my question will still be unanswered

selamat hari raya aidiladha...but i m postcall...goodnight

new posting but same old me....
when i first started housemanship
i always thought a 3rd poster and above is damn canggih
now in those shoes
i don't think it's all that great
but great enough to know houseman training is just 3 postings away....without extensions..huhu

there are still so many things that i don't know
so many things to learn each day
but i was lucky in my early days in this new posting
the MO s i had to work with are damn nice

even though one made me get him the free Sun newspaper everyday
he was damn cool with me & taught me a lot of procedures
letting me do a pleural tapping, pleural biopsy & chest tube all on my 1st day of tagging
i was so damn scared since it's my 1st time but lucky he was there to supervise

another Mo always had a mask like face but is very nice...most of the time
the other times he just like to berleter to me...
all because
i m kinda slow
clumsy
careless
and i didn't know a lot of things
but he supervise my 1st peritoneal dialysis...which is the reason why i m quite good at it..haha
and yes he corrected my mistakes & taught me a lot
so what if he likes to berleter to me
he thinks i look too young......hohohoohohohhoo
*me thinks that's why MOs like to ask me how old are you question...problem solve..haha*

currently i m in a cubicle where the lioness of the department resides..huhu
following rounds alone is so damn scary
that i dread days my dearest cubicle mates get to escape to go down for clinics
the reason i m NOT dead yet is prolly because i had the please-don't-kill-me-yet-look during rounds...haahha
and i think she likes my sticky traditional hand-made yummy which i m so addicted to right now after i offered her one day

*gambar hiasan onli k...my candy jar is so pretty & colouful....assorted flavors ^^*

only available at 1utama for the time being

lets pray this sweeties get to tame the lioness for the time being
while i start being smarter
please God help me~

daydreaming~

if i m not what i am right now..

i would prolly travel around to draw pictures of whatever i like

or open a bakery just because i love cakes & desserts so so much

or open a kindergarten because i love the house/kindergarten my lil sister's friend's mother own in the corner lot of a housing area where i usually walk to pasar malam with mama...just cause it looks homey & fun

or become a stewardess just because i like traveling & to see new places

maybe i would love japan so much in one of those travels

i would stay & learn to be a manga-ka

or stumble into a secret organization to be recruited as a GUNDAM pilot with cool alias..haha

the grass always looks greener on the other side of where we are standing...that i know i should be grateful with what i have...

but i doesn't hurt to dream of what ifs...right?

hello ^^

the apple tree

Girls
are like
apples on trees.
The best ones are
at the top of the tree. The
boys don't want to reach
for the good ones because they
are afraid of falling and getting hurt.
Instead, they just get the rotten apples
from the ground that aren't as good,
but easy. So the apples at the top think
something is wrong with them, when in
reality, they're amazing. They just
have to wait for the right boy to
come along, one who's
brave enough to
climb all
the way
to the top
of the tree.

age is just a number?

lets play a game of

you know you are getting older if....

you start sleeping at 9-10 pm

you just get tired so damn easily

you start eating less

but you don't really lose weight

you listen to light and easy on the radio

you start giving money to your parents...instead of the other way round

you have your own car

you drive your parents around

you think kids are cute

you wear ahjumma style but comfy sandals to work

you missed out on fandom

you stop fangirling

you don't see your besties for soooo looonnnnggg

you are overly sensitive about everything.....

and just cry cry cry.....

so how old are u all?

being mama

finally end posting holidays that i ve been waiting for have come

of course passing the posting with flying colours makes it all the better

i almost woke up the usual time to work today

when i realize

i m sleeping in my oooo sooo commmfyy bed...
and i didn't have to go to work ^^
how i miss the privilege to wake up late....
and so i did
though not too late
woke around 9 today to see mama was already awake *of course..duh* watching k drama as usual on kbs
mama wanted to make me breakfast but i said i was not hungry yet & i didn't want to disturb mama watching her daily dose of k drama

anyway she made me eat breakfast after the show ended
and we had a peaceful and of course YUMMY with a capital Y breakfast ^^
my tummy was practically singing in joy after breakfast
God knows how long i ve ate breakfast like this with mama
since started working usually i would wake up, shower ,skip breakfast and dash to work....
thinking about it mama...i pity mama having to eat breakfast alone everyday
even i hate eating all alone
no wonder mama seems to lose weight lately
everyone is just too occupied with stupid work...including me~

mama was doing laundry after breakfast
wanted to help out but she insisted i rest since i don't really have much holidays
so i was watching the awesome slave hunter series *i know i m super ketinggalan zaman* while observing mama

episode 1 of slave hunter
= mama doing laundry & gardening

episode 3 of slave hunter
= mama preparing lunch

episode 4
= had lunch with mama

episode 5
= mama reading newspaper ,than started sewing something & watching something on KBS

episode 6
= mama preparing food for dinner & making karipap

episode 7
= dinner with mama, abang & dad + watching happiness in the wind on KBS

episode 8
= watch news + sewing something + preparing something *food i guess because we are going K.L next day...must be la..mama always prepare food ^^ *

episode 9
= iron clothes
= pack some stuff for K.L trip

episode 10
= mama went to sleep because she had to wake up early to prepare food for those chibis in K.L

fast forward to ep 15
= LOL i was on calling all night watching slave hunter because it was so damn addictive
= mama woke up to see me who didn't sleep whole night
= prepared me tea & started cooking......

i told mama i kesian having her stay all alone at home
she said it s OK
she has flowers & plants in the garden she would talk to if we are not around
but she's more than happy when we called
mama never like going K.L
but since lil chibis are there
she is more than happy to be there with everyone of us cramped up in a hotel room ^^

anyway tomorrow is 1st October
the birthday of the cutest & best mom in the whole wide world
my MAMA
and not to mention also mama & dad's wedding anniversary
so HAPPY BIRTHDAY MAMA & HAPPY ANNIVERSARY MAMA & DADDY!!!

thank you for raising this difficult child
and may GOD bless u with all the happiness in life
love u always mama ^^

menjual ikan

i am selfish....

in a way

i guess

i realize i value my sleep more than other things....

i am selfish

maybe...

that i don't really think about other people's feeling

taking everything for granted

i am selfish

yes...

for making my dad or brother fetch me to & from work

i am selfish

sadly

that i don't really help mama with housework

i am selfish

i guess

for not realizing all this and more...

and soo...

i will keep this in mind
try to change
or just keep it for next new years resolution ..hoho

-the end-

i never thought i would ..... .hahah

i never thought i would last housemanship this long

i never thought i would pass a posting with so much racism

i never thought i would pass end posting the best in batch

i never thought that my M.O would actually trust me with a lot of stuff

i never thought i would actually like a person who is soooo not my type *i guess appearance don't matter now that we are working*

i never thought i would reject another person ........ again~~

i never thought others would think me as a very social person..haha

i never thought i would be likeable?

i never thought my specialist would think me as the 1 malaysia girl

i never thought i would miss my darlings sooo much

i never thought i would be best buddies with V & J

i never thought about a lot of stuff

well maybe it's because my brain is just empty...haha

i m sorry that i hurt u

i know most of the time i can be oblivious of everything around me

sometimes i choose to ignore what i don't want to see

in the end......

people get hurt

after realizing it i just don't know how to make it right again

i don't want people to hate me...

but other people's feeling is not something i can control

and s*** la i dunno what i ll do if that person becomes my MO in the end T.T

i just wanna make it right again >.<

wanted

WANTED

lil miss chibi who has a big heart & equally big brain
lil miss sunshine who is always there for a friend & makes everything right again

lil miss fun who is always ever ready doing something random & fun

i miss "jaebom" girls so much..haha
i miss our carefree days~

misunderstood

i don't speak their language

nor do i have the same brain wavelenght as a 6th poster

but there is always two sides to a story

and obviously mine is opposite to theirs...

s T u c K

funny how over the past few months that i've started housemanship
there are already 3 houseman coincidentally who are all close to me and had always advise me to be strong suddenly decided to quit........

1st one to go was a colleague when i was in O&G
she was one of the excited senior houseman who wanted me to be in their team
she was one of the best partners i had when i had to be on call
she was one of the people who would comfort me when i cry
buy me food when i m on call
give sisterly advise
and had fun & laughs together......
and all of a sudden
she had a family crisis
couldn't take the stress
and left........

2nd was my roomie
a senior whom i knew in med school
she always told me to ignore everything
just do my work
come back
and forget everything
brought me out to dinner & movies
invited her to her wedding
after getting married
things got harder for her to handle the stress
she had a supportive & not to mention wealthy hubby who is more than happy for her to quit
but she didn't want to disappoint her family
in the end
she did just that
quit..
for once she just wants to do what she wants

3rd was someone i knew when i was in O&G
because i would meet her when she does she periphery paeds call
and somehow we ended in the same department
she is awesome & really knew her stuff
learn quite a lot from her when i was tagging
there were no signs
out of the blue a resignation letter was submitted
she wanted to help her husbands business.......

they left me wondering
with what i should do
i really want to quit
life is just too hard for me to handle
and i hate this job

but if i quit...
i still have no plans for the future
i would be penniless
i would disappoint my family
i would not be able to travel
i would be a fat potato couch
i would be a burden
i would have to eat mushrooms........

yeah i m stuck
where s my prince charming when i need him????
or i should just join AF like my MO told me too..hahah..as if i have talent

anyway i know most people would smack me in the head if i do this
esp "BFF" & guardian *though guardian know nothing about this cause i m always evading..hahah*
and my family?

so again where's my prince charming?
where are u JAE????